Posted on

Rules of Anger

Mom Guilt

I stopped blogging for a while, because I was afraid that maybe I was sharing too much. Most people share only the best parts of their lives online, and here I was talking about Kyle’s most vulnerable ones. I felt guilty, thinking that maybe I was making Kyle seem like a difficult, angry child. In truth, he’s one of the sweetest boys in the world. He’s thoughtful, smart, funny, and kind. I just wanted to share our struggles in hopes that it could help others who are going through the same thing.

overcoming anger

As parents, we all have our own opinions about the best way to raise kids. We tend to judge from our own lens, when we should remember that each situation is different. I’m guilty of this, too, and am trying to be more intentional about it. I know I open myself (and Kyle) up to judgement whenever I share snippets of our life. But I choose to continue, because I feel that sharing our experiences can help others. We learn from each other, and that’s how we grow. One thing I’ve learned is not to place too much weight on what other people think. What matters most is what we and the people we love the most think. But it’s good to listen, because there’s always lots we can improve on!

Overcoming Anger

I’ve shared many stories about Kyle’s anger. It’s our main struggle, and it’s why I started writing books about big feelings. The emotions rise and fall, but I’m so proud of how far we’ve come!

A few weeks ago, I was asking Kyle to do something he didn’t want to. He started getting riled up, and it was clear his anger was about to get out of control. His dad was chiming in, which I knew would rile him up even more.

Me: “Take deep breaths, Kyle. I know you’re upset, but don’t let anger control you. Find a way to calm down.”

Kyle: “I can’t control it!!! It’s too strong!”

Me: “You’re stronger than your anger, remember? We learned all the ways to calm down. You know what to do.”

His dad was getting upset, because Kyle was shouting and growling at this point. Things were about to escalate.

“Mom! Help! Get me a pen and paper!”

So I did, and he started to write frantically:

Rules of My Anger: 1. If you try to make me calm down, my anger will stop me. 2. The longer we wait, the angrier I get. 3. I can’t write anymore.

Finding his own way

As he wrote, I could see the anger dissipate. He went through 3 pages before he finally calmed down.

More Rules: If I’m too angry then I will fall asleep. Step 1: Get the iPad. Step 2: Let me watch. Step 3: My brain will fly. Step 4: I don’t know.

1: Dad’s voice sometimes gets me more angry. 2: When someone talks to me, I get more angry. 3: Be more light on me. 4: Blow me using the Big Bad Wolf or Mr. Wolf. 5: Sing or play a song. 6: Punch beds. 7: Run crazy like Sonic. 8: Use pain (danger) X do not use it. 9: Annoy me a bit? (danger) X do not use it. 10: Draw. 11: Rip paper. 12: Kiss me. 13: Making me calm down makes it harder for me to calm down.


I felt a sense of warmth and pride as I watched him put these thoughts and feelings onto paper. I was SO proud of him! He remembered all the things we talked about through the years. And he found his own new way to calm down. It seemed like a reassuring pat on the back. Like a voice was telling me- “You did good, momma.” All the hard work and patience paid off. Gentle parenting works. ❤️

What doesn’t work, though, is telling him to calm down and talking too much. Both of which I’m very guilty of. 😂 Noted, my son. I will keep these in mind.

I kept these precious pieces of paper safe. Maybe I’ll laminate them and bring them out the next time he gets angry. It’s been 2 months with no major episodes. Are we in the safe zone? Probably not, but I’m thankful for the journey, wherever it may take us next. Thanks for coming along for the ride.


Read more stories on our blog.

Or learn about our books.

Posted on

“I hate you! I wish you weren’t my mom!”

The other day during online school, my 6-year-old was on the floor, refusing to do his seatwork yet again. My gentle prodding and requests weren’t working, and he was missing the activity.

I brought out my Momster voice: “DO IT,” then I started counting “3, 2, 1..” (which he hates). Full-on drama ensued.


“I will always be your mom.”


“Even if you hate me, I will love you forever. I know you don’t want to do this, but you need to learn to sit down properly and do your work. Finish this first, and then we’ll talk about our feelings, okay?”

I gave him the pencil and notebook and he started writing, with tears in his eyes. He kept muttering “I HATE YOU,” while I kept replying “I love you,” until he finished.

“I’m proud of you for finishing your work. I know you didn’t want to do it, but you did what needs to be done. Thank you.”

“I’m still angry at you! I hate you!”

“It’s okay to feel angry. But it’s not okay to say hurtful things. I will love you no matter what you say or do. But you need to be careful with your words. It’s okay to tell me you’re angry at me or that you don’t like me. But hate is such a strong word and it hurts too much. I’m just shielding my heart, so think very hard before you say it again.”

“I’m angry at you and I don’t like you!”

“That’s okay. I’ll give you some time.”

We talked about other things to get his mind off it. When I managed to get a chuckle out of him, he would stop himself and frown again.

“I’m angry. I want to stay angry. I’m trying my best to stay angry!”

“It’s normal to feel angry. But staying angry for too long will hurt your heart and can make you weak. Anyone can be angry, but not everyone can overcome it. Learning to let go of your anger will make you stronger. We learned about different ways to let go of anger— now you need to try those things and find your way out.”

It took a while of back and forth, but he finally came around.

“Mom, I think I love you again.”

“I’m glad. But I never stopped loving you. I’m so proud of you for being stronger than your anger.”

“Me, too. I’m sorry for getting so angry and for saying those things.”

“It’s okay. Just don’t say them again.”

And then we hugged.

Thanks for reading! I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing. I’m far from perfect and definitely not an expert at this. Just a mom sharing her journey, hoping it can help some of you who might be having similar struggles.

What I do know is that a few months ago, I might have gotten angry and lashed out at my son, partly from the shame of seeming to have the only kid in class who keeps having tantrums. I’m trying to remember that how my child acts is not always a reflection of my parenting skills. It’s how I respond that matters.

All kids are different and will develop at their own pace. So we just try our best to be patient, trust our instincts, and adapt. There will always be people who disagree with how we parent. But just as every kid is different, so is every situation, family, and culture. We’re not perfect, but we try our best, and we keep learning and growing. Bad days will come and we may stumble, but we’ll keep moving forward. Because our little ones are counting on us! ❤️

Image source: @yourbeautifullife

#tantrums #tamingtantrums #gentleparenting #positiveparenting #emotionalregulation #emotionalintelligence #consciousparenting #respectfulparenting #kids #angermanagement

Posted on

“Being a kid can really stink.”

Yesterday over lunch, I was busy on my phone so I didn’t notice right away that Kyle had been lying face down on the couch for quite a while. Every time yaya would ask him to come and eat, he would answer with a protesting grunt and stay face down, hugging his furry dinosaur.

“What’s wrong Kyle, what happened?”

I could hear him crying, so I decided to distract him for a bit. I find that it works for us, and puts him in a better mood to talk about what happened after.

“Kyle, do you want to get some toys from the attic? Do you want to hear a funny story? May I order 1 hug, please?”

When none of that worked, I asked if he wanted to be left alone. He said no, so I thought of reading him the next book I’m working on- Feeling All My Anger:

“Look for a hug, just hug someone- your mommy or your daddy
Your favorite toy, your favorite blankie- or maybe hug your nanny!

Imagine that the hug’s so strong, it drowns out all the flames
A hug that’s from someone you love, accepts and never blames..”

He kept grunting after every line, but I could feel him calming down. I carried him in my arms and hugged him tight as I read those lines. Almost there, but not quite.

“Kyle, what’s that game you were asking me about that you wanted me to check? Should we google it together?”

“Sega Genesis,” he nodded his head in reply, while wiping the tears from his eyes.

We searched for it on my phone and he started talking normally again.

“What happened, Kyle, why were you upset?”

“I don’t know, mom, I don’t remember.”

“Alright. Should we eat now?”


After a few minutes:

“Mom, I want to tell you something but I’m scared.”

“You never have to be scared of me, Kyle. You can tell me anything. I don’t ever want you to be scared of me.”

“Okay, let me tell you through a book.”

I followed him to his book cabinet and he showed me the back of his favorite book right now- Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It said:

“Oohhhh I understand. It’s not nice to always be bossed around, huh? You didn’t want to yet, but we kept nagging you to eat?”

He smiled and nodded his head in reply.

“You know what, Kyle? Mommy, Daddy, and Yaya were also kids once. So we know how it feels. And I find it so cool that you told me what you feel using a book!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“But you know what? It’s also a lot of fun being a kid. Last Christmas did mommy and daddy get any toys? None! And how many toys did you get? Sooo many!”

“Well… you got some toys when YOU were a kid.”

“Yeah that’s why it’s so cool to be a kid. Do you want to show dad what you showed me?”

He ran to his dad and showed the back of the book, underlining the same line with his fingers.

His dad took a serious tone and started enumerating how lucky Kyle is, counting his fingers for emphasis: “You have food, you have your own room, you have toys and video games- not all kids have those.”

Kyle copied him and started enumerating his rebuttals while counting with his fingers: “Well, other kids have food also, and a room, and toys..”

“No, most kids don’t have those, especially here in the Philippines.”

Kyle in a smart aleck voice: “I’m talking about the Kids in America!”

“No, a lot of kids in America also don’t have those.”

“Well.. I’m talking about the billionaires.”

To which we all laughed and proceeded to enjoy our lunch.


Later that day:

“Mom, I’m adding this to my worst days list.”

“Huh? Why?? I thought we were having so much fun today after you calmed down.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay. So it’s an okay day.”

“Alright, okay is good!”

Wishing for more okay days for everyone!😄

Posted on

Moments of Weakness

Moments of Weakness

Moments of Weakness:

Moments of Weakness

The other day, we shared one of our proud moments of strength. Today, we’ll share with you a moment of weakness. Life is not perfect, and we all make mistakes. That’s how we grow.


July 13, 2021:

I thought I finally had everything figured out: as long as I stay calm when Kyle has a tantrum, it won’t escalate to rage and he won’t burst into The Hulk.

When Kyle started Kindergarten online classes at big school, I thought it would be a breeze. He adjusted pretty well to online classes at his pre-school, so I didn’t think it would be any different. As you’ve probably guessed, I was wrong.

It was hard for him to sit through 2-and-half-hour classes of more serious learning, when he already knew most of the lessons. The chat box on zoom was a big distraction, because he wanted to type so many things (but teacher says it’s only to be used when there are internet problems). The icing on the cake was that he kept rocking his chair and falling backwards, sideward, and every which way, causing the wooden chair to bang on the floor and scratch our parquet tiles. It was driving me nuts!

So naturally, I had a mini breakdown one day. Aside from Kyle’s usual antics during class, I was stressed about preparing our meals (our cook had left again, and I had to train the new one but didn’t really have the time to). To top it off, someone kept nagging me about how I don’t fix the sheets properly, and about imaginary crumbs on the floor when I feed Kyle his snacks.

So when Kyle kept minimizing the Zoom window to google during class, I snapped at him. He got upset and came over to me, growling. He hugged me but I was still upset, which didn’t sit well with him. The next thing I knew, he banged his hands towards my face and hit me in the eye! It really hurt, so I screamed in pain and watched him look at me like it was no big deal. I was shocked at how he seemed so unremorseful, that I spanked him on his bum. 

“That didn’t hurt so much, mom.”

I spanked him again. 

“Why did you do that, Kyle? It hurts so much! Don’t do that ever again!”

Spanking has always seemed counter-intuitive to me, because I can’t reconcile how hitting a kid can help them learn to stop hitting you. But at that moment, all I could think of was making him understand how much hitting hurts, so he would think twice before doing it again. 

I let him go back to class as I sat there, fuming and wondering if all my efforts at positive parenting had been futile. Maybe a strong hand is really what’s needed for a child as strong-willed as mine. He didn’t apologize, so I stayed quiet the whole time. I stormed out of the house to take a walk and clear my head, then watched TV by myself to calm down.

Soon, Kyle came over to hug me and say sorry. We talked about it, like how we usually do, and we processed what happened. It didn’t really make me feel better, because I was still struggling with all these thoughts of self-doubt about my parenting skills. It took me a while to realize that maybe the problem was not my parenting style, but my attitude towards parenting and my own unconscious issues and beliefs.

A while back, a friend shared with me the concept of Conscious Parenting by Dr. Shefali Tsbary (watch her TED Talk here). She applies the concept of Consciousness (read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”) towards parenting, and argues that we need to look inward to resolve our own issues so that we can become better parents. The child is not the problem- it is the parent. Those concepts resonated deeply with me, but I forgot them when things became overwhelming.

When I looked inward, that’s when I realized that my expectations towards Kyle had been unreasonable. Kids are not meant to sit still for long periods of time, especially not for online classes. They will get restless and bored, but it doesn’t mean they are misbehaving. That’s just the way they’re built!

I also realized that I had become so irritable, because I felt like his misbehavior was a reflection on my parenting. It felt like a failure on my part, and I felt ashamed every time my son would unmute the microphone and say something out of turn in class for the nth time. As a stay-at-home mom, all my hours spent with him should have resulted in a perfectly behaved child, right? I had no career to speak of, so my child was my career, and my parenting skills were the measure of my success. 

What an awful lot of pressure to put on a 5 year-old child! 

First of all, there is no room for shame in parenting (thank you to another friend who pointed this out recently). Second, as hard as it may be to accept and believe sometimes, all the work we do has value, whether the world thinks so or not. We are inherently valuable just by “being”– we touch the lives of those around us, and bring something to this world just by being in it. We all need to take a chill-pill and give ourselves (and our kids) a break sometimes.

Lastly, it is unreasonable and damaging to pin any of our hopes and dreams on our children, whether consciously or subconsciously. Let kids be kids- we need to learn to check ourselves for unhealthy behaviors and mindsets that may end up hurting us and those around us.

Let’s all stop measuring success based on worldly standards. It is a toxic and endless cycle, and unreasonably biased towards careers that bring fame or fortune. Everyone has her own place in the world. Just as a working mom is successful for raising her family while nurturing a career, so is a stay-at-home mom successful for giving up her career (and sanity) to focus on raising her family.

One does not take the way away from the other, and should not be pitted against each other, because “better” is always subjective. There are always trade-offs, because nobody can have it all. But we choose to do our best with what we have, anyway, and feel grateful for it. Each person is built differently, each situation is different, so there is no use in comparing, unless the goal is to improve one’s self without diminishing someone else’s value.

Once I realized all these, I finally got my Zen back. Kyle still has his outbursts, but they have been much calmer and easier to overcome. We still try different strategies, and what works the most for tantrums that arise over trivial things is to distract him. Lately, what works is this:

“Oh no, Kyle, nobody will buy our book. They will say it- it doesn’t work! Look at Kyle, he’s still angry all the time. He doesn’t know how to feel more than one feeling.”

“But nobody will know, Mom, because we won’t tell them!”


Distracting works, because most of the time his anger comes out of nowhere and over something so small that he doesn’t even remember it afterwards. I can’t take all the credit for this, because there are lots of factors to consider- Maybe he’s just gotten used to class; Maybe he’s just outgrown his tantrums; Maybe I was just imagining it all (*plot twist!*).

I’m always on guard because I know that one day, things will likely get out of control again. After all, parenting is a roller coaster ride, so we need to expect the unexpected. We all have our bad days and moments of weakness. What we need to realize is that our moments of weakness actually push us to grow. So here’s to our moments of weakness– may they help us find our moments of strength.


If you enjoyed this, I hope you can share it with someone who might need it.


#consciousparenting #tempertantrums #breakdowns

Photo credits to Getty Images

Get freebies!

We love giving away freebies that will be useful to you and your kids!  Let us know your email address and we’ll send you the link to our free downloads page that will give you access to:

  • our tried and tested parenting strategies
  • fun activity sheets
  • educational resources

We’ll also email you every time we add a new freebie, or a new blog post. You’ll also get early access to our promos and new releases. You may opt out anytime!

Like and Subscribe to our YouTube Channel

We’ll be posting more read-aloud books, time-lapse art, and animations of our stories, so watch out!


Thank you for visiting Kim T.S. Books Blog! See you again soon!

If you love our books or believe in what we are doing, we would truly appreciate your support in helping us spread the word to more kids, parents, teachers, and people all over the world! Please take the time to write us a review via any (or all :p) of the following:

  • Amazon (they will only accept reviews from customers who have purchased $50 and up in the past year)
  • Good Reads (anyone can write a review)
  • Recommend our Facebook page
  • Share any of our work or pages on social media (scroll to the bottom of this page to find our links)
  • Email us your review if you want it to be considered for posting on our website
If you would like to share photos or videos of you, your kids, or your students enjoying our books, please email it to us or tag us on social media (click the widget on the bottom right corner to send through fb messenger or email. Full social media links at the footer of this page . It would mean the world to us, so THANK YOU!


Kim T.S. Books Blog