Category: Frustration

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Letting Go

My son has always had trouble letting go of things. Not just toys- he gets sad when we throw out random stuff like dilapidated puzzle mats, or a plastic screw that fell down the toilet. 😅 I think he’s attached to the memories. So I validate the feelings, but tell him it’s not healthy to get too attached to material things. People, relationships, and memories are what matter most.

Yesterday, I sorted out a lot of his old toys for donation and was bracing myself for big feelings. I prepped him and gave my reasons: 1. The attic needs to be cleared because the ceiling might crash down (lol) 2. He never plays with these toys 3. The kids who receive them will be so happy.

I told him I could easily give away the toys and he wouldn’t even notice. But I promised I wouldn’t do that, so I’m letting him know. He can check and choose 5 toys he wants to keep, so we did that.

After, he still felt sad and was whining about it, which is triggering for me. But I’m glad I stepped back and saw it from his perspective:

“It’s hard to let go of toys, huh? I understand. It’s hard for me too sometimes. But we can do hard things. Sometimes we need to do it even if we don’t want to. The families we give these toys too will be so happy and grateful. So thank you- I’m so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too.” He let a few tears out and was ok after that. ❤️

Have you had similar moments? How did you handle it?

*We write books about big feelings and occasionally share snippets of our life through blog posts. My son is 7 now, and I ask him if it’s okay for me to share these moments online. Thankfully he always says yes. ☺️ We hope our experiences can help you as well in your parenting journey. We love hearing from our readers. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, and Threads @kimt.s.books 🥰

 

letting go of toys
Image credits: The Spruce / Ulyana Verbytska

 

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KFC

In online class today, Kyle had a literacy practice sheet, which he thankfully focused on and answered properly. But right after a short break, they had a math test that he scribbled almost illegible numbers on with his head on the desk. I had to remind him several times to sit properly and focus. I even tried to motivate (i.e. bribe) him with a small stuffed toy if he does well. But after answering one question, he would refuse to answer the next one.

“It’s too hard, mom!”

“I know you can do it, because you’ve done it so many times and gotten the right answer. I think you just don’t want to try.”

“No, I don’t know it. It’s true!”

He then pouted his lips and squeezed his eyes, trying to force imaginary tears that wouldn’t come out.

“You know love, it’s okay to cry if you really feel like crying. But if you’re forcing yourself to cry, it’s not good for you.”

I was trying to make sure he wouldn’t miss any items on his test, because he has a deal with his dad and really wants to “win” a PS4 by working hard in school. He knows how to subtract- he just doesn’t like writing down the solution. I was trying to console him while checking our dinner, so when my husband wanted to turn off the stove I was pre-heating because he thought I had accidentally left it on, I snapped.

“Mom, remember what you asked me earlier today?”

I honestly couldn’t remember, and he kept giving me cryptic clues that I couldn’t figure out. Finally, he typed this on the computer:

“Kyle, what makes you feel the most loved?” Then he made an X sign with his fingers on the word “most.”

Oh. 🙊

This morning, I asked him that because I wanted to talk about our love languages.

“Are you saying you don’t feel that mommy loves you right now?”

He nodded.

I hugged him and felt guilty, but also recognized the emotional blackmail.😅

“You know, love is not always something you feel. If you’re doing something wrong, like acting lazy, I will push you to do better. Even if you end up not liking me, it’s okay. What’s important to me is that you grow up to be the best person that you can be. You told me that you feel most loved when mommy and daddy tell you we love you, right? So always remember that even if it doesn’t feel that way, mommy always loves you. Believe what I say.”

“Okay, mom. I feel better now.”

He stayed after class with teacher to finish the test. Afterwards, we talked about it.

“I’m sorry for getting angry. It’s not so important to me that you get all the answers right. What’s more important for me is that you try your best. If you do that and still get a lot of wrong answers, it’s okay. I’ll still be proud of you. I’ll help you fix it so you can do better next time. But if you don’t try your best, I’ll be disappointed. Were you trying your best?”

“No mom, I was being a bit lazy.”

“It’s good that you know, because knowing is half the battle! Now all you have to do is fix it.”

“Okay, so it’s: K=Know, F=Fix. What’s C?”

“Hmm. How about… conquer?”

“Okay, so that’s K.. F.. C!!”

🤣

Happy Valentine’s day to all.❤️

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“Being a kid can really stink.”

Yesterday over lunch, I was busy on my phone so I didn’t notice right away that Kyle had been lying face down on the couch for quite a while. Every time yaya would ask him to come and eat, he would answer with a protesting grunt and stay face down, hugging his furry dinosaur.

“What’s wrong Kyle, what happened?”
grunt

I could hear him crying, so I decided to distract him for a bit. I find that it works for us, and puts him in a better mood to talk about what happened after.

“Kyle, do you want to get some toys from the attic? Do you want to hear a funny story? May I order 1 hug, please?”

When none of that worked, I asked if he wanted to be left alone. He said no, so I thought of reading him the next book I’m working on- Feeling All My Anger:

“Look for a hug, just hug someone- your mommy or your daddy
Your favorite toy, your favorite blankie- or maybe hug your nanny!

Imagine that the hug’s so strong, it drowns out all the flames
A hug that’s from someone you love, accepts and never blames..”

He kept grunting after every line, but I could feel him calming down. I carried him in my arms and hugged him tight as I read those lines. Almost there, but not quite.

“Kyle, what’s that game you were asking me about that you wanted me to check? Should we google it together?”

“Sega Genesis,” he nodded his head in reply, while wiping the tears from his eyes.

We searched for it on my phone and he started talking normally again.

“What happened, Kyle, why were you upset?”

“I don’t know, mom, I don’t remember.”

“Alright. Should we eat now?”

“Okay.”

After a few minutes:

“Mom, I want to tell you something but I’m scared.”

“You never have to be scared of me, Kyle. You can tell me anything. I don’t ever want you to be scared of me.”

“Okay, let me tell you through a book.”

I followed him to his book cabinet and he showed me the back of his favorite book right now- Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It said:

“Being a kid can really stink.”

“Oohhhh I understand. It’s not nice to always be bossed around, huh? You didn’t want to yet, but we kept nagging you to eat?”

He smiled and nodded his head in reply.

“You know what, Kyle? Mommy, Daddy, and Yaya were also kids once. So we know how it feels. And I find it so cool that you told me what you feel using a book!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“But you know what? It’s also a lot of fun being a kid. Last Christmas did mommy and daddy get any toys? None! And how many toys did you get? Sooo many!”

“Well… you got some toys when YOU were a kid.”

“Yeah that’s why it’s so cool to be a kid. Do you want to show dad what you showed me?”

He ran to his dad and showed the back of the book, underlining the same line with his fingers.

His dad took a serious tone and started enumerating how lucky Kyle is, counting his fingers for emphasis: “You have food, you have your own room, you have toys and video games- not all kids have those.”

Kyle copied him and started enumerating his rebuttals while counting with his fingers: “Well, other kids have food also, and a room, and toys..”

“No, most kids don’t have those, especially here in the Philippines.”

Kyle in a smart aleck voice: “I’m talking about the Kids in America!”

“No, a lot of kids in America also don’t have those.”

“Well.. I’m talking about the billionaires.”

To which we all laughed and proceeded to enjoy our lunch.

—-

Later that day:

“Mom, I’m adding this to my worst days list.”

“Huh? Why?? I thought we were having so much fun today after you calmed down.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay. So it’s an okay day.”

“Alright, okay is good!”

Wishing for more okay days for everyone!😄

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It May Be Hard, But It’s Worth It

We’ve been tantrum-free for a while now, but I’m bracing myself for more episodes now that online school has started again. #Singaporemath is challenging because of the way it delves into the concepts. It’s not enough to know the answer- you need to break it down and show the different ways to solve the equation. It’s not for everyone, but I like it!

But even for kids who already know the answer, it can get frustrating. They can get lost in the solutions and end up with the wrong answer, which they otherwise would have gotten correctly if you had let them solve it intuitively instead. When Kyle gets frustrated in class, he acts up by being silly, throwing a tantrum, or simply refusing to do any work. Yesterday, he put his head down on the table and started grunting and growling. After I calmed him down, he kept acting extra silly, and wouldn’t answer the seat work. After some struggling, and almost losing my patience, I finally thought of asking him- “do you find it hard, or are you bored?”

“A little bit of both.”

We told him before school started again this week that if he does really well in class and is well-behaved at home, he can get a prize- but he has to work hard for it. His enthusiasm only lasted a week. So I reminded him- remember you said you would work for your PS4 or PS5? Well of course it will be hard! If it were easy, then the prize wouldn’t be as good. You really have to study, anyway. So it’s either you study hard and win a prize, or you study not so hard and you don’t get a prize. You might as well work for the prize, right?

And you know what? In life, you have to work hard to get the best things. Do you know how hard it was for me to give birth to you? It was so hard and SO painful! But it was all worth it, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

With that, he finally stopped grunting and smiled at me. We hugged and he went back to his desk to answer his maths diligently.

“I’m so proud of you, Kyle! See, I knew you could do it if you just focused!”

“Yeah, mom, I’m so proud of me, too!”

Aren’t kids amazing? 🥰

Hoping all you moms and dads out there are easing back into school alright! We can do this!