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Pink is the Color of Our Future

Pink is the color of our future

I posted this on social media recently, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, hope, and anxiety as I unabashedly took a public stand. To those who are not familiar with Philippine politics, the May 2022 Presidential Elections is crucial because the son of a dictator, plunderer, and kleptocrat is gunning for the presidency, with overwhelming support. The Marcos family has amassed billions (estimated at USD10B) and has spent years quietly revising history through social media with their army of paid trolls and proud supporters.

It is alarming, dismaying, and frightening how many people believe them or are willing to look past their lies. So many of our countrymen believe that Marcos Jr. will bring back the “golden years,” not realizing that his parents were responsible for pillaging our country of its wealth. They see the buildings and structures that stand as “proof” of the Marcoses’ greatness, but they look past the atrocities committed during martial law and the massive debt incurred to finance these projects and their own pockets. They perceive facts as “lies” and refuse to believe mainstream media, relying on personal anecdotes and stories shared on social media.

We value democracy because of what it stands for – a government for the people and by the people. But when those with power have worked so hard and spent so much money to keep the majority of our people in the dark by denying access to proper education and propagating misinformation, or when the system has been so cracked and riddled with corruption that most have become jaded against the possibility of good governance, can our democracy save us or will it end up betraying us?

If Marcos wins, the world will not end. But what value is left in a democracy that embraces plunderers with open arms? Where is the respect for truth and justice, which should be the cornerstones of any government? We are angry because none of this should be possible. And yet here we are, fighting an uphill battle for the good that’s left in our country.

They say we are causing division. That we are mixing politics with morality, as if these are concepts alien to each other. That we should let go of the past and move forward towards a united Philippines. But brilliant minds have said this over and over again in different ways- Unity should not be sought at the expense of truth and justice. Unity, without the essential roots of truth and justice, is false at best and disastrous at worst.

We cannot help but speak up and take a stand. We only wish that those who hear us will listen with an open mind, and make decisions based on what they know is right. There is no gray area. We may see the world through rose-colored glasses, but isn’t that better than settling for less? We have a real shot at this- a chance for a truly better tomorrow. Not better for any one individual, but better for the country that we say we love. When you love someone, you don’t settle for less unless you have exhausted all other options. Look at the sea of pink to see how many of us are fighting. We can win this, but we need you to stand with us.

💕

“All of us want what’s best for our children- so we need to vote for what’s best for their future. No compromises. No half truths or blatant disregard for the truth. We fight for what’s right, not what’s convenient or practical. Because if we lower our standards, then we set the bar lower for what our children can become. They can shine far brighter than we know, if we teach them that the world can be a much better place than it is right now. If we settle for less, we rob them of the future they could have.

The coming Philippine Presidential Elections will set the tone for their future. It can ignite our hope for a country that has been pillaged over and over from the inside out. Or it can break our spirits and show how our democracy has failed us. Each of us must take a stand- please let it be the right one.”

#KulayRosasAngBukas

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“Being a kid can really stink.”

Yesterday over lunch, I was busy on my phone so I didn’t notice right away that Kyle had been lying face down on the couch for quite a while. Every time yaya would ask him to come and eat, he would answer with a protesting grunt and stay face down, hugging his furry dinosaur.

“What’s wrong Kyle, what happened?”
grunt

I could hear him crying, so I decided to distract him for a bit. I find that it works for us, and puts him in a better mood to talk about what happened after.

“Kyle, do you want to get some toys from the attic? Do you want to hear a funny story? May I order 1 hug, please?”

When none of that worked, I asked if he wanted to be left alone. He said no, so I thought of reading him the next book I’m working on- Feeling All My Anger:

“Look for a hug, just hug someone- your mommy or your daddy
Your favorite toy, your favorite blankie- or maybe hug your nanny!

Imagine that the hug’s so strong, it drowns out all the flames
A hug that’s from someone you love, accepts and never blames..”

He kept grunting after every line, but I could feel him calming down. I carried him in my arms and hugged him tight as I read those lines. Almost there, but not quite.

“Kyle, what’s that game you were asking me about that you wanted me to check? Should we google it together?”

“Sega Genesis,” he nodded his head in reply, while wiping the tears from his eyes.

We searched for it on my phone and he started talking normally again.

“What happened, Kyle, why were you upset?”

“I don’t know, mom, I don’t remember.”

“Alright. Should we eat now?”

“Okay.”

After a few minutes:

“Mom, I want to tell you something but I’m scared.”

“You never have to be scared of me, Kyle. You can tell me anything. I don’t ever want you to be scared of me.”

“Okay, let me tell you through a book.”

I followed him to his book cabinet and he showed me the back of his favorite book right now- Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It said:

“Oohhhh I understand. It’s not nice to always be bossed around, huh? You didn’t want to yet, but we kept nagging you to eat?”

He smiled and nodded his head in reply.

“You know what, Kyle? Mommy, Daddy, and Yaya were also kids once. So we know how it feels. And I find it so cool that you told me what you feel using a book!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“But you know what? It’s also a lot of fun being a kid. Last Christmas did mommy and daddy get any toys? None! And how many toys did you get? Sooo many!”

“Well… you got some toys when YOU were a kid.”

“Yeah that’s why it’s so cool to be a kid. Do you want to show dad what you showed me?”

He ran to his dad and showed the back of the book, underlining the same line with his fingers.

His dad took a serious tone and started enumerating how lucky Kyle is, counting his fingers for emphasis: “You have food, you have your own room, you have toys and video games- not all kids have those.”

Kyle copied him and started enumerating his rebuttals while counting with his fingers: “Well, other kids have food also, and a room, and toys..”

“No, most kids don’t have those, especially here in the Philippines.”

Kyle in a smart aleck voice: “I’m talking about the Kids in America!”

“No, a lot of kids in America also don’t have those.”

“Well.. I’m talking about the billionaires.”

To which we all laughed and proceeded to enjoy our lunch.

—-

Later that day:

“Mom, I’m adding this to my worst days list.”

“Huh? Why?? I thought we were having so much fun today after you calmed down.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay. So it’s an okay day.”

“Alright, okay is good!”

Wishing for more okay days for everyone!😄

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It May Be Hard, But It’s Worth It

We’ve been tantrum-free for a while now, but I’m bracing myself for more episodes now that online school has started again. #Singaporemath is challenging because of the way it delves into the concepts. It’s not enough to know the answer- you need to break it down and show the different ways to solve the equation. It’s not for everyone, but I like it!

But even for kids who already know the answer, it can get frustrating. They can get lost in the solutions and end up with the wrong answer, which they otherwise would have gotten correctly if you had let them solve it intuitively instead. When Kyle gets frustrated in class, he acts up by being silly, throwing a tantrum, or simply refusing to do any work. Yesterday, he put his head down on the table and started grunting and growling. After I calmed him down, he kept acting extra silly, and wouldn’t answer the seat work. After some struggling, and almost losing my patience, I finally thought of asking him- “do you find it hard, or are you bored?”

“A little bit of both.”

We told him before school started again this week that if he does really well in class and is well-behaved at home, he can get a prize- but he has to work hard for it. His enthusiasm only lasted a week. So I reminded him- remember you said you would work for your PS4 or PS5? Well of course it will be hard! If it were easy, then the prize wouldn’t be as good. You really have to study, anyway. So it’s either you study hard and win a prize, or you study not so hard and you don’t get a prize. You might as well work for the prize, right?

And you know what? In life, you have to work hard to get the best things. Do you know how hard it was for me to give birth to you? It was so hard and SO painful! But it was all worth it, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

With that, he finally stopped grunting and smiled at me. We hugged and he went back to his desk to answer his maths diligently.

“I’m so proud of you, Kyle! See, I knew you could do it if you just focused!”

“Yeah, mom, I’m so proud of me, too!”

Aren’t kids amazing? 🥰

Hoping all you moms and dads out there are easing back into school alright! We can do this!

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Start Them Young

Talk to your Kids about Politics

Start Them Young:

Discuss Politics with Kids

Do you discuss politics with kids? My parents didn’t, maybe because their parents never did, either. But I find that Kyle gets curious whenever he overhears adult conversations. He feels left out, and so I try my best to explain adult topics to him in ways he can understand. I remember that as a child, I would always feel like I was “too young” to understand certain things– and so I wouldn’t even try. It felt disempowering, soI never really took adult topics seriously until very late into adulthood. I figured I’d change that with Kyle.

Back in 2020 we talked about Trump vs. Biden. A few weeks ago, we talked about the bad president who stole a lot of money, whose son is now trying to become president again. And about the good vice president Leni, who we want to become the next president of the Philippines. Because she is good, and brave, and puts the country first. Whenever we see pink parols (lanterns) around, he says: “look mom, kakampink (the coined term for Leni supporters)!” 

The Brave Journalist Who Won the Nobel Prize

Last night, I told him about Maria Ressa. A brave journalist (who is like a good version of Peter Parker’s boss at the Daily Bugle), who tells the truth and fights against the bad guys. The bad president wants to put her in jail, but the people of the world saw that she is good and gave her the best prize ever: the Nobel Peace Prize! And in her speech, she said that we need facts. Things we can prove with evidence

“You mean like- fun fact: the anklyosaurus was a herbivore?”

“Yes! But if you say- Kyle is cute- that’s not a fact. It’s just an opinion. Because someone else might say, no, Kyle is not cute, he’s nakakata-cute!” *a play on the Filipino word for scary (nakakatakot)

“You mean like a debate, mom?”
“Yes, where did you learn that?”
“From Youtube- Evolution of Marvel Cartoons.”
(Good to know he learns things from his screen time lol.)

Truth, Democracy, and Equality

So Kyle, do you understand that without facts, there can be no truth? Because how will we know what is true if we can’t prove it? Everyone will be so confused! There can be no shared reality, meaning we will all believe different things. Then there can be no democracy or freedom.

“Mom, next time I will create drones to protect everyone from the bad presidents. Then I will win the Nobel Prize.”

“That’s good! You should try. Just keep doing good things to change the world for the better. And you need to be better. Maria Ressa also talked about the importance of equality. You know what equality means, right?”

“Equal, like in math.”

Yes. The world needs to be more equal. For example, there are too many bosses who are men. There should also be more bosses who are women. It’s dangerous for women journalists because when there are too many men, some of them don’t act nice. They act like bullies, and the women are scared to get hurt. So you- you need to be a gentleman ok? That means that you will be careful and respectful, especially to those who might be weaker than you. Men have more muscles and are physically stronger than women. So if you are not careful, you might hurt them. That’s why you shouldn’t hit mommy- you shouldn’t hit anyone at all!

“But only the bad guys?”
“Well, only if it’s really, really, necessary.”

“And you know, being a gentleman also means being careful with your words. If you keep talking about private parts, girls might get scared of you! (His favorite Filipino word is titi, which means penis. He finds it funny, especially because of this book we read). They will say- why does this boy keep saying titi?”

He paused for a moment and reflected on it, which I found adorable.

“I promise I’ll be a gentleman, mom.”

Believe there is good in the world. Be the good. Our children are truly our future- don’t be afraid to start them young. 

—-

If you enjoyed this, please feel free to share. We are also open to hearing your opinions, whether you agree with me or have opposing beliefs, I would be happy to hear from you.

💙

#kids #politics #talktokidsaboutpolitics #bethechange #startemyoung #mariaressa #leni2022 #neveragain

Photo credits to Rappler

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Moments of Weakness

Moments of Weakness

Moments of Weakness:

Moments of Weakness

The other day, we shared one of our proud moments of strength. Today, we’ll share with you a moment of weakness. Life is not perfect, and we all make mistakes. That’s how we grow.

—-

July 13, 2021:

I thought I finally had everything figured out: as long as I stay calm when Kyle has a tantrum, it won’t escalate to rage and he won’t burst into The Hulk.

When Kyle started Kindergarten online classes at big school, I thought it would be a breeze. He adjusted pretty well to online classes at his pre-school, so I didn’t think it would be any different. As you’ve probably guessed, I was wrong.

It was hard for him to sit through 2-and-half-hour classes of more serious learning, when he already knew most of the lessons. The chat box on zoom was a big distraction, because he wanted to type so many things (but teacher says it’s only to be used when there are internet problems). The icing on the cake was that he kept rocking his chair and falling backwards, sideward, and every which way, causing the wooden chair to bang on the floor and scratch our parquet tiles. It was driving me nuts!

So naturally, I had a mini breakdown one day. Aside from Kyle’s usual antics during class, I was stressed about preparing our meals (our cook had left again, and I had to train the new one but didn’t really have the time to). To top it off, someone kept nagging me about how I don’t fix the sheets properly, and about imaginary crumbs on the floor when I feed Kyle his snacks.

So when Kyle kept minimizing the Zoom window to google during class, I snapped at him. He got upset and came over to me, growling. He hugged me but I was still upset, which didn’t sit well with him. The next thing I knew, he banged his hands towards my face and hit me in the eye! It really hurt, so I screamed in pain and watched him look at me like it was no big deal. I was shocked at how he seemed so unremorseful, that I spanked him on his bum. 

“That didn’t hurt so much, mom.”

I spanked him again. 

“Why did you do that, Kyle? It hurts so much! Don’t do that ever again!”

Spanking has always seemed counter-intuitive to me, because I can’t reconcile how hitting a kid can help them learn to stop hitting you. But at that moment, all I could think of was making him understand how much hitting hurts, so he would think twice before doing it again. 

I let him go back to class as I sat there, fuming and wondering if all my efforts at positive parenting had been futile. Maybe a strong hand is really what’s needed for a child as strong-willed as mine. He didn’t apologize, so I stayed quiet the whole time. I stormed out of the house to take a walk and clear my head, then watched TV by myself to calm down.

Soon, Kyle came over to hug me and say sorry. We talked about it, like how we usually do, and we processed what happened. It didn’t really make me feel better, because I was still struggling with all these thoughts of self-doubt about my parenting skills. It took me a while to realize that maybe the problem was not my parenting style, but my attitude towards parenting and my own unconscious issues and beliefs.

A while back, a friend shared with me the concept of Conscious Parenting by Dr. Shefali Tsbary (watch her TED Talk here). She applies the concept of Consciousness (read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”) towards parenting, and argues that we need to look inward to resolve our own issues so that we can become better parents. The child is not the problem- it is the parent. Those concepts resonated deeply with me, but I forgot them when things became overwhelming.

When I looked inward, that’s when I realized that my expectations towards Kyle had been unreasonable. Kids are not meant to sit still for long periods of time, especially not for online classes. They will get restless and bored, but it doesn’t mean they are misbehaving. That’s just the way they’re built!

I also realized that I had become so irritable, because I felt like his misbehavior was a reflection on my parenting. It felt like a failure on my part, and I felt ashamed every time my son would unmute the microphone and say something out of turn in class for the nth time. As a stay-at-home mom, all my hours spent with him should have resulted in a perfectly behaved child, right? I had no career to speak of, so my child was my career, and my parenting skills were the measure of my success. 

What an awful lot of pressure to put on a 5 year-old child! 

First of all, there is no room for shame in parenting (thank you to another friend who pointed this out recently). Second, as hard as it may be to accept and believe sometimes, all the work we do has value, whether the world thinks so or not. We are inherently valuable just by “being”– we touch the lives of those around us, and bring something to this world just by being in it. We all need to take a chill-pill and give ourselves (and our kids) a break sometimes.

Lastly, it is unreasonable and damaging to pin any of our hopes and dreams on our children, whether consciously or subconsciously. Let kids be kids- we need to learn to check ourselves for unhealthy behaviors and mindsets that may end up hurting us and those around us.

Let’s all stop measuring success based on worldly standards. It is a toxic and endless cycle, and unreasonably biased towards careers that bring fame or fortune. Everyone has her own place in the world. Just as a working mom is successful for raising her family while nurturing a career, so is a stay-at-home mom successful for giving up her career (and sanity) to focus on raising her family.

One does not take the way away from the other, and should not be pitted against each other, because “better” is always subjective. There are always trade-offs, because nobody can have it all. But we choose to do our best with what we have, anyway, and feel grateful for it. Each person is built differently, each situation is different, so there is no use in comparing, unless the goal is to improve one’s self without diminishing someone else’s value.

Once I realized all these, I finally got my Zen back. Kyle still has his outbursts, but they have been much calmer and easier to overcome. We still try different strategies, and what works the most for tantrums that arise over trivial things is to distract him. Lately, what works is this:

“Oh no, Kyle, nobody will buy our book. They will say it- it doesn’t work! Look at Kyle, he’s still angry all the time. He doesn’t know how to feel more than one feeling.”

“But nobody will know, Mom, because we won’t tell them!”

—-

Distracting works, because most of the time his anger comes out of nowhere and over something so small that he doesn’t even remember it afterwards. I can’t take all the credit for this, because there are lots of factors to consider- Maybe he’s just gotten used to class; Maybe he’s just outgrown his tantrums; Maybe I was just imagining it all (*plot twist!*).

I’m always on guard because I know that one day, things will likely get out of control again. After all, parenting is a roller coaster ride, so we need to expect the unexpected. We all have our bad days and moments of weakness. What we need to realize is that our moments of weakness actually push us to grow. So here’s to our moments of weakness– may they help us find our moments of strength.

💙

If you enjoyed this, I hope you can share it with someone who might need it.

💙

#consciousparenting #tempertantrums #breakdowns

Photo credits to Getty Images

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